Conflict Resolution

Icebreaker

Conflict Is Normal

• People who spend real time together and care about the outcome will disagree. That is a sign of investment, not dysfunction.
• Conflict handled well makes a team stronger—it clears the air, sharpens ideas, and builds trust.
• Conflict avoided doesn't go away; it goes underground—into gossip, resentment, and a section that quietly splits.
• Your job is not to prevent all conflict. It is to make sure conflict gets handled, not buried.

Address It Early

• Deal with friction while it's still small—a quiet word today beats a blow-up next week.
• The longer a problem sits, the more it grows: people take sides, stories harden, and trust erodes.
• Don't hope it "works itself out." Most conflict doesn't—it just waits for the worst possible moment.
• Early, direct, and private is almost always the right first move.

Positions vs. Interests

• A position is what someone demands ("I should get the solo"). An interest is the need underneath it—to be seen, to be trusted, to matter.
• Two positions can be dead opposite while the interests behind them overlap. You can't solve the position; you can often solve the interest.
• Ask "why does this matter to you?" until you reach the real need. That's where a solution both sides accept becomes possible.
• Fight over positions and someone loses. Solve for interests and both sides can win.

Separate the People From the Problem

• Attack the problem, not the person. The moment it becomes "you vs. me," resolution stops and defense begins.
• Put the issue on the table where you can both look at it together, side by side, instead of across from each other.
• Name the behavior and its effect, not the character: "when the rep starts late, we lose time"—not "you're lazy."
• Protect the relationship while you solve the problem—you still have to stand next to this person tomorrow.

Five Ways People Handle Conflict

• Competing (I win): fast and firm—right for emergencies and non-negotiables, costly to relationships.
• Avoiding (walk away): fine for trivial things, dangerous when the issue actually matters.
• Accommodating (you win): builds goodwill when the issue is small to you, breeds resentment when you always fold.
• Compromising (split it): quick and fair-ish, but nobody walks away fully satisfied.
• Collaborating (we both win): the slowest—and the best when the relationship and the outcome both matter.

One of Our Core Competencies

Seek First to Understand

• Before you fix anything, listen—fully, to both sides, without planning your rebuttal while they talk.
• Acknowledge the feeling before the fact: "I can see this really frustrated you." People settle down once they feel heard.
• Play it back: "so what I'm hearing is…" It proves you listened and clears up the misreads that fuel conflict.
• Lower the temperature first. Nobody solves anything while they're still hot.

Stay Fair and Neutral

• When two members are in conflict and you step in, your job is to be fair—not to back the person you like more.
• Hear both sides fully before you form a verdict. Judging early—or being seen to—kills your credibility as a leader.
• Keep it private. Public conflict humiliates people and hardens positions; handle it off to the side.
• Bring it to the director when it's bigger than you, involves safety, or you're too close to be neutral.

Find the Common Ground

• Under almost every band conflict is a shared goal: the show, the section, the standard. Name it out loud.
• Move people from facing each other to facing the same direction—the thing you're all here to build.
• "We both want this section to be great" reframes opponents as teammates with a problem to solve.
• Shared purpose is the strongest tool you have. Use it to turn "me vs. you" into "us vs. the problem."

Get to a Solution, Then Follow Up

• Don't end with feelings vented and nothing decided. Land on something concrete: who does what, by when.
• Make the agreement specific and mutual—both people say out loud what they will do differently.
• Then follow up. Check back in a few days: did it hold? Resolution is a process, not a single conversation.
• Close the loop on the relationship, too. Once it's settled, let it be settled—no grudges, no scoreboard.

The Conflict Playbook